The days are short, and the years are long. Opportunities are quick, but the windows are quicker. You grab me, or you miss me. You see me, or you don't.
It is learning that other people fighting in your corner for your cause is a reminder for you to do this for others. It is recognizing that life is lived forwards and understood backward. I can't steal that line - I got it from Pastor Dharius. Since I heard it, I've been meditating on it.
Your life starts to mean much more and increases in value when you realize how privileged you are & can be if you open your heart. Our no.1 assignment in this world is to pour and pour until we have no more. Then go inside and refill. Take your time and some moments for yourself. Ideally, we should aim to pour into ourselves not too long after pouring into others. This prevents us from being off-duty when we are needed the most.
Translate this as you will and not out of context. Don't take it out of context and create something else. If it's for you, take it. If it's not, keep it moving. I mean that with the utmost respect. Because too often, when we reach points of burnout, we nullify messages that are NOT meant for us and try to translate them in a way that serves us in our situation to make us feel better. But the intention of the message is,
If, you were in a season where that was the encouragement you needed, it wouldn't seem toxic.
So, let's stop dumbing down messages in our times of despair because they are 'offensive.' Change the frequency. Mute the video. Mark the Ad as irrelevant. Don't let it affect the way you process and live life. Don't do that.
Inhale. Deep exhale.
This will be a good year, but you have to be patient. You have to be open to opportunities, moments, and conversations. Moments and conversations with people. Interactions with places. An openness to gain and let go of things.
Exhale.
"Life is lived forwards and only understood backward. Ain't that something, ain't that something."
This is the year that I share my podcast food with you. I will create a list of podcast episodes I've listened to through the year which I enjoyed.
I may have laughed, learned something about myself, or learned something new. I might include a summary of the value gained from the episode beneath the hyperlinked title.
I had a moment like this in 2017 where I became intentional with my reading habits. I wasn't proud of my book count. Reading has always been something I enjoyed. But we find a way to place life above the things that feed us and calm us at our core.
As I share these episodes with you each year, I hope they will provide opportunities for you to sit and have a moment for your cup to be filled.
I started with an idea for tweets after I watched the last conversation on Sisterhood. You can find the first post here. Let's continue the conversation through these words and in the comments. I hope you leave this post feeling uplifted.
Reminder : This is a safe space and all comments are welcome.
There will be times when you may be the first. A first deviation from the norm. A first in your family, career, achievements, industry, or whatever it may be.
It may be hard on some days, and you will lose yourself. You will question if it is worth it, if the process is worth the discomfort and the tears. You will question if you are worth it. If you are worth fighting for, does this even matter anymore?
You will question how long it will take to get through. How long before somebody believes in me too? How long must I wait? You've got to work through it, so you can walk through it and come out on the side of the why. Why you?
Why you were chosen.
Why you are needed.
Why you needed the process.
Why the tears were important.
Why the discomfort was important.
As the first, you may be placed in a box or several boxes. These are a collective of molds designed to keep you fearful OR doubtful long enough to stop living, dreaming, and turning possibilities into reality. The first box is often the one that tells you how it has always been.
If you move past that one, you may encounter a box that asks that you stay within the lines. Or a box that says don't imagine anything beyond here. They are all limitations that ask you to assume the answer will be No when Yes is a possibility.
Your job is to break it without apology and educate others as you overcome everything - they said would overwhelm you. Create a new box with opportunities for expansion and creativity. Stand in your box confidently, defend it, promote it, and give grace to those who misunderstand it.
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" Highlighting us, is a form of protecting us." - Estelle.
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Highlighting our sisters' gifts, talents, and work creates community. That community provides the support that we need to keep on going. The support we need to continue the great work assigned to each of us in the paths - that we must grow on, build, create, and redefine. Highlighting gives us the confidence to own our narratives and change them when the messaging has been incorrect.
Being the first can be exhausting if you are forced into a cycle of fighting and defending yourself. Working harder than the rest to achieve what you want to make those visions a reality. Doing the work and learning the systems so you can open doors for others behind you.
After exhaustion, it is vital to rest and gradually find peace. Peace will have different definitions, manifestations, and values as you move through the seasons of your life.
Sisterhood is the betrayal I refuse to partake in, the safe spaces I choose to create for you, and the moments you can share with me & keep as your own.
Seasons can change the demands of sisterhood & what we each need as individuals. These changes can also mean that we must grow with our sisters as they go through seasons, situations, or grieving. A willingness to grow with our sisters helps us understand what they need and how we can provide that. We gain clarity on what they need and how we can help them navigate to and through that.
In Sisterhood, we speak love and freely elevate our sisters. I will use every opportunity to list the things I love about you until you get tired. I choose to speak highly of you in rooms that haven't seen the depth of your being like I have. I will remind the world to be patient with you because there is a beauty to you - that it cannot afford to miss.
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We have to have friends who are willing to coach us where we're deficient or where we have blind spots. That is so important, because the mirror isn't always exact. - Angela Rye
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Sisterhood is the beauty of different schedules which flow in directions that don't match - somehow, we make beauty in the busyness, the mess, and finally sit together. We make those differences work.
What makes sisterhood work? When we individually show up for ourselves. When you care for you, nurture you, check in with you, grow you, and know you. Then you can do these things for your sisters. When we have poured into ourselves and created a system for continually filling ourselves - our sisters will benefit from that time and time again.
Sisterhood is not transactions and reactive 'reciprocity'. Sisterhood is natural cycles of reciprocity that come with seasons and attend to different needs.
Reciprocity = we have our hearts open to each others. I know when I need you you're there and vice versa. - Devi Brown
- Sisterhood is unapologetic in its truth. It is honest in what it can and cannot give. And what it will and will not accept. It is a daily practice that pours into the individuals to enrich the collective. -
" Welcome to Books & Black Coffee. Join two bookworms for conversations that center on the power of knowledge shared and its application. Each episode is an open door into lessons through books that carry messages which transcend generations. Together we learn, we explore and we leave with much more."
I have become more intentional with listening to podcasts since the Winter of 2020. Just like my reading habits, my listening habits have been diverse. It has ranged from wellness podcasts to self-help/personal development and deep conversation podcasts.
After the Books & Black Coffee podcast launched, it made me curious if there are more bookworm-centered podcasts out there. Podcasts that take books and turn them into valuable conversations; conversations that can be, enjoyed by non-bookworms and bookworms alike. Please comment with your favorite bookworm, book club, conversation about books, or new releases podcasts below (I want to listen too!).
Check out the first few episodes of Books & Black Coffee below.
I started with an idea for tweets to post after I watched the last conversation on Sisterhood. I had this plan in mind using the event hashtags and tagging the speakers in careful succession to create a beautiful thread. I soon realized I had more than a few lines to share, so this post was composed.
Can I take you on a journey?
This is a safe space and all comments are welcome.
Don't use your service to others as an excuse for not reaching your full potential because of fear. What is on the inside of you requires accountability and stewarding - you have to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for what you are wasting, ignoring, dismissing, and getting comfortable with in playing small. There is a day where you will knowingly or unknowingly sit with yourself, evaluate and question what you've done with your days, years, youth, and strength. Don't let that moment be one - full of regrets, sorrow, or shouldawouldacouldas.
If there was ever a time that you should care about the credits at the end of the seasons of your life, it should be today. It should be now. Don't let the credits be a whole lot of names, main characters, stunt doubles, and extras with your name close to the end because you always supported others and never showed up for yourself. Stop watching all the greatness around you be the only greatness that is known - while nobody knows about the greatness within you. Stages aren't for everyone, but I know moments, seasons, impact, and purpose ARE for EVERYONE.
What moments will those with paths connected to yours experience because you showed up?
What seasons will you manifest in so somebody knows they are not alone? So somebody can thank God for your life & existence. So somebody can be seen, impacted, loved, understood, and have problems solved.
What impact will you stand up and make in this world? What impact will you make in YOUR lifetime?
Show up, and let people know that your purpose is KEY to something within the puzzle and portrait of this world. You are what people are yearning for when you show up in season, each season.
No matter how many mistakes you have made. The things you didn't know. The places you went that you shouldn't have gone. The storms you endured, the pain that crippled you. All the things you can't seem to forgive yourself for. How much you should have done, achieved, or accomplished. How far you should be. Remember to be glad that you didn't give up.
Dead people don't worry about these things. Be grateful for your life and the opportunities you WILL have to change it, reflect on it, learn from it, learn new ways, and make improvements.
Last but not least, practice that self-talk. Practice it until you get comfortable saying positive things out loud to yourself in your space. Use that self-talk to reaffirm that you are Worthy. You are worthy of respect, love, truth, community, laughter, fulfillment & beautiful moments.
What is a boss?'Boss' definitions differ from one woman to the next, so don't uphold the standards and responsibilities of another woman as your own. Recognize or learn to recognize where holding space will drain your capacity and lead to burnout. To prevent burnout, delegate - delegate in as many areas as you can to ensure that when you are serving - your best service is what we receive.
To pour from a cup - you haven't had the chance to fill so others can receive from it - turns them into thieves. We make people thieves when we make a habit of giving away what we need for ourselves (paraphrased from an Oprah & Iyanla conversation).
Being about your business is taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is being about your business. Your business covers various areas in your life, it is different levels of needs in your life, and it is the pieces that make the whole of your being. It is also the things that do and do not define you. This part also has a definition that differs from one woman to the next, so take your time. Take your time navigating - identify and define what your business is & how to be about it. Identify what each piece requires and start caring for yourself by meeting those needs.
Defining yourself and what is so beautiful about you stretches beyond the titles, jobs, money, and responsibilities - it is about who you are at the core when all those things are gone. When you forget about the title, jobs, money, privileges, and responsibilities - Do you like who you are becoming? Do you recognize that woman? Do you know her? Do you know what SHE loves, what she enjoys, what makes her happy? *don't wait for a burnout, breakdown, or rock bottom to reach that reconciliation point with yourself.
Use. Your. Tools. Calendars, reminders, notifications for self, timers, alarms - whatever works for you and centers you back to living in each moment, as well as giving your best to your work & responsibilities. Do that.
Sisterhood is about participation and celebration. It is showing up in spaces where you are the missing link in your sisters' stories, businesses, brands, growth, healing & more. Sisterhood is the creation of safe spaces where you are encouraged to evolve, grow, pause, heal and talk. These safe spaces are therapy - they care for where you are personally and professionally.
This year's theme is You Are A Reader. It encourages everybody, especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds, to start the habit of reading by choosing at least one book to read because they are readers too. Reading is not exclusive to a few. It should be available to us all. Start from the basics, identify your reading level and grow from there. Nobody needs this adventure the way that YOU need it - be patient with yourself as your confidence grows. Explore! Don't hold back, don't limit yourself.
Reading gives us access by unlocking the doors through which we are understood and gain understanding - whether we need solutions, guidance, inspiration, representation, or encouragement. Books serve each of these needs and more.
As you move through this year and recognize that "You Are A Reader" too, I have a little reading challenge for you. Try choosing at least one book from each genre that catches your interest. Feel free to ask a librarian for some guidance if you are unsure where to start, or you can ask the assistants at your local bookstore. Take these books, immerse yourself in them, travel through the pages at your speed and make notes if necessary.
Below you can find a question toolkit for my new bookworms out there. You can use these questions to reflect on each book you read, but they can also help you identify which genres you like the most.
What did you like about the book?
What didn't you like about the book?
Was that genre better than you expected? Would you read from that genre again?
Who were your favorite characters?
What were your favorite lines or pages?
Were you happy with the ending? Do you wish it was different?
Did you surprise yourself by finishing the book?
Did you find out how beautiful reading is?[After the challenge is complete]
Remember that there are various formats for reading. Paperback, Hardback, eBooks, Audiobooks, Read-aloud videos with books narrated to you. You may prefer some genres to be read to you, while you prefer to read other genres yourself in Paperback and eBook formats.
