The Relationship With Our Bodies
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This year is full of inspiration. I was reading Audre Lorde's Zami: A New Spelling Of My Name, the journey from her childhood to her mid-twenties. It made me feel & think about things in ways that encourage reflection, searching ourselves, and extending grace and compassion to others.
From the top of your head to the soles of your feet and everything in between, how do you feel about your body?
The relationship we have with our bodies are both strange and wonderful. Any good parent hopes that relationship will be formed in a way that doesn't steal our innocence from us too soon. In a way, that allows us to be young for as long as we can but informed enough to care for and protect that body. Audre spoke about bodies and anatomy in several ways throughout this book, but this piece is inspired by the moment when Audre got her first period: "It's difficult to talk about double messages without having a twin tongue." p. 61-62
At first, we are confused by it; we may dislike it or be intrigued by it. We may compare it to the size, shape, shade, features & feel of other bodies we see. How easily we do or do not connect with other bodies during a hug, a high five, holding hands, or shoulder to shoulder. We learn, and we gain knowledge about our bodies. Are its movements delicate, rhythmic, graceful, coarse, rugged, quick, slow, intentional? Our appreciation or self-consciousness about its movement - how it fits in spaces, how it stands among others, how it looks among other bodies, its seemingly anomalous nature or presence.
How do we perceive our bodies? Are they fragile, elegant, sturdy, scary, heavy, burdensome, or complicated?
We see our bodies from a different angle than they see us. Bodies seek to be seen and handled based on how we see them, to be respected based on what they tell us. But sometimes we don't see them; rather, they look morphed by some other shape, light, or angle to us. Sometimes they throb, make a noise, or make themselves noticeable so we'll care for them the way we were supposed to, but we don't. I think bodies are complicated until we treat them as fragile, delicate, and sensitive.
With time, we learn what our bodies can and cannot do. For some of y'all, you realize you're not good dancers 😄. But I hope we all learn that it likes movement, good food, appreciation, and respect. It wants nothing more than to be the vessel that can carry us for as long as required. I think we see each other's bodies a little better than the person who lives in the body. Maybe we could compliment each other a little more so the resident goes home from each of those interactions seeking to see their body with better focus in that lens.
Do you know what I would do if I had a body like yours? I would put it on display for the world to see. I would wear the dress; I would go to the places; beaches would be sick of my cuteness, how I rock swimwear and lie in the sand; fall would be filled with silhouettes that show I've been keeping this vessel healthy; spring would watch as my body turns into the mannequin that displays experimental outfits and colors; summer wouldn't have a body, it would have options.
If eyes are a window to the soul, then skin is a preview to the wonderland of all function and activity from your cranium to the intrinsic muscles of your feet. From every tear from your eyes, every sneeze, cough, cleared throat, rumble of your stomach, to the sound of your feet on sidewalks, do you know how much you ought to be grateful for? Do you know?
Bodies As Temples
I don't think the relationship with our bodies are sacred. I think they're personal, BUT we should remember that our bodies are sacred when we care for them, speak to them, and consider the places we take them.
The body is intricate design, portal, incubator, vessel, and home. Intricate design means you'll spend your lifetime learning its deeper knowing, being, moving, and functioning - it will teach you about life in weird and wonderful ways. The intricacy of our bodies are a reflection of our beauty - the hats we wear in the world, the gifts we have, the music of our lives, the continual growing and learning that comes with change, birthdays, decades of living, and each fear we overcome. Your body is a portal in several ways, from the senses (ears, eyes, mouth) to that deeper knowing (nervous systems and their branches, spirit, soul, discomfort, ease), and down to the individual experience. Incubator in disease and health, in creativity and exploration, in genesis and evolution, and so much more. Our bodies are as unique as we are; from our microbiomes to our fingerprints, the vessel is us, and our bodies provide a space for that uniqueness to be held and attached to. The relationship with our bodies will determine what type of home we have in them.
Where are the loosely knit relationships with your body? Where are the emotional relationships with your body? Where are the social relationships with your body? Where are the interdependent relationships with your body positioned?
Loosely knit are the parts of our bodies that make us who we are on every level; they are also the parts of ourselves we will eventually know and accept with love someday. The emotional parts tend to be the parts of our bodies we can't touch, don't understand, don't know how to heal yet, or leave us actually feeling the feelings or thinking about what we have avoided. The social relationship with our bodies are personal; it's the part we're still working through, and differs from one body to the next. The interdependent relationships with our bodies require trust; it means that I can go limp and you'll handle me gently or meet me there, wherever there is. It means my body can be affected by your body.
Aging and Aging Our Bodies
Do we place limitations on our bodies based on thoughts about our age, what we can and can't do, what we should or shouldn't do, what we shouldn't be able to do, or fears post injury, post surgery, etc.?
Pushing beyond requires effort, and activity and movement require effort. Often our bodies want to be pushed, stretched, strengthened. Our bodies were created for movement, from that first cry as babies to the last breath as we bid the planet farewell.
How we age our bodies through sedentary living, which leads to stationary being when we are stuck there long enough. The brain computes your wishes and complies, but before compliance, it remains willing to change, adapt, and support the pushing, stretching & strengthening of its vessel. How many of us have lost the beautiful relationship with our bodies because of a birth date, a shift from one decade of life to the next?
Do the lines, wrinkles, scars, spots, birthmarks, texture changes, and pigmentation changes define how you love your body or how you should treat it?
The features above (wrinkles, scars, etc.) are the events and stories within a story that tell us things about our bodies we may not have paused long enough to learn and see. Look at the wrinkles with curiosity, then look at each spot, birthmark, and scar as commas that need you to pause for a moment. Look at the lines as journeys from one point on your body to the next; the texture changes need some love, whether they can be treated or not. Pigmentation changes cover a wide range of definitions from one body to the next, so find YOUR silver lining at your own pace. Don't criticize yourself too harshly for the acceptance you haven't achieved yet when it comes to your body, its parts and features. The long or short history you have with that body and its impact on acceptance must be considered, too.
One day, I hope you stop covering your insecurities and the imperfections in your relationship with your body.
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Peace & Love !