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Hey World.
Let's talk for a moment. Well, I speak while you talk back at the screen after each line. I filmed a short review for this book a few years back, but some things didn't make the final cut.
So today. I grant you the privilege to - come inside, explore my thoughts and challenge them. Feel free to start a conversation in the comments or whatever platform you see this post shared on; I would love that.
It truly comes in pieces. With each page, she broke herself down like a sculpture made up of three layers - some concrete, some glass, and at the center a rose. As we move through the book - she hits harder and harder at the concrete until we see the glass. When fragile matters require more energy to cover up than they do to address, she applies pressure to the glass until it shatters. As the pieces fall to the ground, we can finally reach out and touch the rose.
As we take a brief moment to look at the ground, we see all the shattered pieces - a mess. We see unraveled truth spoken. We see fragments of this woman, pain, and damage. Sally Field is a damaged woman and, her experiences have brought harm to her in one way or another. She is not a perfect woman. None of us are perfect, but let's take the privileged position from here on out to explore some things.
1, There are generations of women who didn't take the time out to do the necessary therapy. I'm not talking about sitting opposite a psychologist or in a therapist's chair, but rather that deep travel within yourself. The type of travel where you are honest with yourself. You talk about what your experiences in life have been up to that moment. Then address what they have done to you. AND working through those varying conversations continually before you add any man or kids to your life.
Another point of damage arises through my notes - Sally allowed anybody go in the cookie jar then, smother their hands on that jar and leave fingerprints. She didn't allow herself fully process those moments and, she didn't deal with what she had been through up to that point. While these things remained, she added kids into her picture so, along came the responsibilities of motherhood. Alongside this comes the constant ponderings of a mother, concerns she has for her sister; and her decision to get into a committed relationship (insert concerned side glance).
Let me point out one part of the story which opened the door to Sally's trauma. As a woman, your children are good guides on whether that new person should come into your life. Her mother ignored this guide in Sally's reluctance and crying when Jacko came into their home. Her mother ignored that red flag when she followed through with marrying Jacko. There will be points where mothers will read this book and wrinkle their noses while mentally saying 'daughter how?' 'how did you manage to let your dignity get played with like that?' 'don't do this!'
2, Red alarms are a woman's intuition, a warning against failure, a call to listen before the earth quakes.
Sally's dignity was played with, trampled on, and many times the red alarms rang. And this is the point where several hands went into the cookie jar, got as many cookies as they liked, as frequently as they liked and, all they left were fingerprints. This phase of ignored red alarms taught me a few things. Firstly, you don't have to go through trauma; it can be down to the things you have internalized as a teenager or experiences you had in life. And when you are at a crossroad where you're unsure how to navigate, we see reactions like the constant struggle between Sally and her mother. Translated to life on the privileged side of this screen - it can be the battle between yourself and confidence in your decisions. It can be the back and forth thinking of whether to rise again after something repeats itself in a different situation later in life.
This plays out between Sally and her mother because Sally is in the thick of it, dealing with life's situations while her trauma lays beneath it all. You can't hold all of that and operate at your best. So, Sally's reactions towards her mother become disproportionate to the wrongs her mother has done in the past. Therapy can't occur in environments like these, where life's weights pull you like strings from several directions as you try to hold yourself together. When you internalize your battles as you work through your trauma or the issues of life make working through trauma a low priority, it's hard to invite other people in. What seat, what room, what space will you be able to provide? The answer is none.
3, There's always a portal, an open door. But who will find that door and close it before it hides its destruction in the fabric of our lives?
Sally's mother is a portal to the generations that have brought baggage and traps along for the ride. And what one generation doesn't deal with, the generations that follow inherit and struggle through. In the worst scenario, the next generation doesn't learn from it, but the hope is they will learn, overcome and break cycles of trauma.
In Pieces is a lesson for all readers, with one of many messages that read 'Place yourself in a position of privilege. Learn from Sally's story and let it help you navigate. Navigate several different relationships, several different issues that men & women face and, the World itself. Work through your problems; you deserve the other side of solutions or healing.'
As you grasp this message, if there is any therapy you've got to do, be your therapist first and talk out those problems. When you identify your problems, triggers, and things you can't quite put into words, the next step is, finding somebody you can talk to. A friend, a therapist, a coach, family. Who is your trusted person, your trusted people? Engage with those people.
I liked my journey through this book. I gained some understanding that has been useful and remains applicable. I felt uncomfortable for Sally as she described situations and told her story. BUT her mistakes, decisions, and lessons gave me some tools. I asked myself how I could be more understanding towards people who find themselves in similar situations. How can I be a light to comfort them through the blind moves, crossroads, and those breakdowns that lead them right back to the fetal position? How can I encourage people to give themselves time and space to get things right before repairing relationships?
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Some closing thoughts and random lines that were too much fragment to make complete sentences are below. These random thoughts helped shape some poems which explored the struggle between Sally and her mother. It goes far beyond Sally and her mother to mothers and daughters across the globe.
"mothers and daughters are set up to have these clashes. I don't know if it's a silent war."
Thank you so much for your time in reading this post to the end. Once again, explore my thoughts and challenge them. Feel free to start a conversation in the comments or whatever platform you see this post shared on; I would love that.
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Peace & Love !