Fatherhood

I am child

I have grown of age

I bear name of a man who ..

Never took time to show me, know me, nurture me, hold me

I talked of him greatly, but never got to know him

One who never showed up at my birth, my recitals, my games or my birthdays

I am daughter 

I am deeply scarred

I now believe he will never show

He is father, but of whom

I dreamed he would walk me down the aisle

Chase away my first boyfriend

Share a strong, father-daughter bond

There was no daddy .. to be a daddy’s girl to

Talk of friendships

We didn’t even have that

Talk of time set aside

I guess he was the busiest man in the world

I spoke to him once but don’t remember his voice

I was only five and that was the last time we spoke

I am son

It hurts me more that it would a daughter

That you didn’t deem yourself necessary

Talk of role models he was a role ghost

Seemed non existent

I needed you to teach me to ride my first bike

To guide me on my first shave

To watch my transition from boy to man

To give me pointers on how to be the best man I could be

Help me through my teenage years

But instead you were a no show

Left me nothing but feeling abandoned

When others talked of their fathers

I had nothing to say

I had no hero, so I relied on superman and batman

Your absence stripped me of pride and strength

I am grown folk

All I wanted was a father to look up to

A father to give me reassurance and protection

A father willing to lose games to see a smile on my face

A father to love me like the heavenly father loves his own

Not to be hurt by the fact I had a deadbeat dad

But having one who played a significant role

One who tried and strived to be the best he could be to support his family

That would have been your essence and purpose in my life

If you were present these would be the words

Your very words would uplift me

The stories you tell gave me hope

Your wisdom and presence meant the world

The way of truth you lead me in

A minor as your time seems is meant the world to me

The reassurance and confidence you gave me

Here I am testify

That the presence of a father is good 

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