30 days gives you enough time to dig a hole so deep you sink as the earth moves into heaps on either side. It is water, deep enough to swim from the tears you cried. Silence. Self-annihilation. Stupid talk rolled off a beautiful tongue without pauses. Flashbacks to a time when your face was an invitation to bullying. A time when the light in your eyes was offensive.
30 days is enough time to bury nothing in that hole, to place the earth back where you found it. To rise higher as the soil fits into the spaces beneath your feet. It is enough time to cry at the thought of all the good that happened while you were distracted by the stupid talk that rolled off a beautiful tongue without pauses. Probably, enough time to read the power of words in a book and exchange silence for the sound of your voice. Enough time to be your hype woman as self-annihilating letters to self, move from the outbox to trash. I'll call you back to the present, the here and now of views through windows that remind you - there is no place you would rather be.
Girl, you have so much ahead of you. These distractions ended at the hour that Day 30 said Hey. Pour back into yourself. It's time to rise up again to pour further, quicker, and deeper than ever before. There are more lives this time. When you walk out into the light on Day 30, don't let a number, response, assumption, failure or thought stop you from pouring.
Your desired reality is already your present. Claim it! Work it! Live it!
One more reason for pouring back into yourself. Preparation. Where you're going and where you will be required - the scared don't go there. Doubt is an old promise on a record we accidentally broke during the 30 days. It's time to pack some new things and choose some replacements.
It's time to walk across that leveled earth and claim yourself as whole where holes have been. Pour water into the soil, let your seeds find their way to the surface, break through and create strength to hold some fruit.
This is my first quarter in books, and reflecting on my days thus far.
The Books I Have Read:
- The Bone Sparrow by Zana Fraillon
- Holes In The Sky by Patricia Polacco
- The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
- Knots On A Counting Rope by Bill Martin Jr. & John Archambault
- Great Granny by Ann Bryant & Barbara Szepesi Szucs
- Achieving A Dream by Jill Atkins & Alessia Trunfio
- The Yssis Papers: The Keys To The Colors by Dr. Frances Cress Welsing
- The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
- Not Now, Bernard by David McKee
- Benny's Hat by Juliet Clare Bell
Grief affects everybody differently. Sometimes your comfort with mortality simplifies death to a part of the life cycle that we expect. This knowledge makes you seem insensitive or avoidant to those who openly cry, retract, and require comfort.
Losses are as assured as gains through this journey. How prepared you are for either of them makes the difference in your experience through them and your reaction to them. In my case, numbness became inevitable. In the process, I had to detach myself from conversations and environments that would make me crumble instead of building the strength I needed to stand and walk.
I needed to build the strength in my legs to stand and walk because the unknowns ahead of me didn't have time or space for excuses. The falls which occurred gave me space to find my pieces, and the gradual rise reminded me of who I am. Beneath the layers is an artist, writer & poet who thrives on learning so she can share & reach others. And a bookworm who seeks entertainment and education.
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" This journey is bigger than me, so 'No' becomes a boundary my mind and body will thank me for."
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My first quarter in books is grief & time to reflect (Holes In The Sky; Benny's Hat), feeding my inner child (Knots On A Counting Rope; Great Granny; Achieving A Dream; The Very Hungry Caterpillar; Not Now, Bernard), the deep thinker's lounge (The Untethered Soul; The Yssis Papers), and education (The Bone Sparrow; The Yssis Papers).
This first quarter is each day I intentionally remember. The calls I was surprised to receive & messages that made me smile. It was moments that made me rethink my self-worth, people that reminded me of how important it is to show up for your people, and forcing myself to take breaks so I can slow down for a little bit.
I hope you walk into tomorrow knowing whether the day is grey or bright. You can, and you will get through it. Keep going. No matter how small the steps are, decide that you'll make progress.
I am walking forward with the following reminders from Dear Pebble$: 005:
1. Other people fighting in your corner for your cause is a reminder to do this for others too.
2. Be open to opportunities, moments, and conversations. Moments and conversations with people. Interactions with places.
The days are short, and the years are long. Opportunities are quick, but the windows are quicker. You grab me, or you miss me. You see me, or you don't.
It is learning that other people fighting in your corner for your cause is a reminder for you to do this for others. It is recognizing that life is lived forwards and understood backward. I can't steal that line - I got it from Pastor Dharius. Since I heard it, I've been meditating on it.
Your life starts to mean much more and increases in value when you realize how privileged you are & can be if you open your heart. Our no.1 assignment in this world is to pour and pour until we have no more. Then go inside and refill. Take your time and some moments for yourself. Ideally, we should aim to pour into ourselves not too long after pouring into others. This prevents us from being off-duty when we are needed the most.
Translate this as you will and not out of context. Don't take it out of context and create something else. If it's for you, take it. If it's not, keep it moving. I mean that with the utmost respect. Because too often, when we reach points of burnout, we nullify messages that are NOT meant for us and try to translate them in a way that serves us in our situation to make us feel better. But the intention of the message is,
If, you were in a season where that was the encouragement you needed, it wouldn't seem toxic.
So, let's stop dumbing down messages in our times of despair because they are 'offensive.' Change the frequency. Mute the video. Mark the Ad as irrelevant. Don't let it affect the way you process and live life. Don't do that.
Inhale. Deep exhale.
This will be a good year, but you have to be patient. You have to be open to opportunities, moments, and conversations. Moments and conversations with people. Interactions with places. An openness to gain and let go of things.
Exhale.
"Life is lived forwards and only understood backward. Ain't that something, ain't that something."
This is the year that I share my podcast food with you. I will create a list of podcast episodes I've listened to through the year which I enjoyed.
I may have laughed, learned something about myself, or learned something new. I might include a summary of the value gained from the episode beneath the hyperlinked title.
I had a moment like this in 2017 where I became intentional with my reading habits. I wasn't proud of my book count. Reading has always been something I enjoyed. But we find a way to place life above the things that feed us and calm us at our core.
As I share these episodes with you each year, I hope they will provide opportunities for you to sit and have a moment for your cup to be filled.
I started with an idea for tweets after I watched the last conversation on Sisterhood. You can find the first post here. Let's continue the conversation through these words and in the comments. I hope you leave this post feeling uplifted.
Reminder : This is a safe space and all comments are welcome.
There will be times when you may be the first. A first deviation from the norm. A first in your family, career, achievements, industry, or whatever it may be.
It may be hard on some days, and you will lose yourself. You will question if it is worth it, if the process is worth the discomfort and the tears. You will question if you are worth it. If you are worth fighting for, does this even matter anymore?
You will question how long it will take to get through. How long before somebody believes in me too? How long must I wait? You've got to work through it, so you can walk through it and come out on the side of the why. Why you?
Why you were chosen.
Why you are needed.
Why you needed the process.
Why the tears were important.
Why the discomfort was important.
As the first, you may be placed in a box or several boxes. These are a collective of molds designed to keep you fearful OR doubtful long enough to stop living, dreaming, and turning possibilities into reality. The first box is often the one that tells you how it has always been.
If you move past that one, you may encounter a box that asks that you stay within the lines. Or a box that says don't imagine anything beyond here. They are all limitations that ask you to assume the answer will be No when Yes is a possibility.
Your job is to break it without apology and educate others as you overcome everything - they said would overwhelm you. Create a new box with opportunities for expansion and creativity. Stand in your box confidently, defend it, promote it, and give grace to those who misunderstand it.
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" Highlighting us, is a form of protecting us." - Estelle.
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Highlighting our sisters' gifts, talents, and work creates community. That community provides the support that we need to keep on going. The support we need to continue the great work assigned to each of us in the paths - that we must grow on, build, create, and redefine. Highlighting gives us the confidence to own our narratives and change them when the messaging has been incorrect.
Being the first can be exhausting if you are forced into a cycle of fighting and defending yourself. Working harder than the rest to achieve what you want to make those visions a reality. Doing the work and learning the systems so you can open doors for others behind you.
After exhaustion, it is vital to rest and gradually find peace. Peace will have different definitions, manifestations, and values as you move through the seasons of your life.
Sisterhood is the betrayal I refuse to partake in, the safe spaces I choose to create for you, and the moments you can share with me & keep as your own.
Seasons can change the demands of sisterhood & what we each need as individuals. These changes can also mean that we must grow with our sisters as they go through seasons, situations, or grieving. A willingness to grow with our sisters helps us understand what they need and how we can provide that. We gain clarity on what they need and how we can help them navigate to and through that.
In Sisterhood, we speak love and freely elevate our sisters. I will use every opportunity to list the things I love about you until you get tired. I choose to speak highly of you in rooms that haven't seen the depth of your being like I have. I will remind the world to be patient with you because there is a beauty to you - that it cannot afford to miss.
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We have to have friends who are willing to coach us where we're deficient or where we have blind spots. That is so important, because the mirror isn't always exact. - Angela Rye
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Sisterhood is the beauty of different schedules which flow in directions that don't match - somehow, we make beauty in the busyness, the mess, and finally sit together. We make those differences work.
What makes sisterhood work? When we individually show up for ourselves. When you care for you, nurture you, check in with you, grow you, and know you. Then you can do these things for your sisters. When we have poured into ourselves and created a system for continually filling ourselves - our sisters will benefit from that time and time again.
Sisterhood is not transactions and reactive 'reciprocity'. Sisterhood is natural cycles of reciprocity that come with seasons and attend to different needs.
Reciprocity = we have our hearts open to each others. I know when I need you you're there and vice versa. - Devi Brown
- Sisterhood is unapologetic in its truth. It is honest in what it can and cannot give. And what it will and will not accept. It is a daily practice that pours into the individuals to enrich the collective. -
" Welcome to Books & Black Coffee. Join two bookworms for conversations that center on the power of knowledge shared and its application. Each episode is an open door into lessons through books that carry messages which transcend generations. Together we learn, we explore and we leave with much more."
I have become more intentional with listening to podcasts since the Winter of 2020. Just like my reading habits, my listening habits have been diverse. It has ranged from wellness podcasts to self-help/personal development and deep conversation podcasts.
After the Books & Black Coffee podcast launched, it made me curious if there are more bookworm-centered podcasts out there. Podcasts that take books and turn them into valuable conversations; conversations that can be, enjoyed by non-bookworms and bookworms alike. Please comment with your favorite bookworm, book club, conversation about books, or new releases podcasts below (I want to listen too!).
Check out the first few episodes of Books & Black Coffee below.
