This idea has lingered back and forth in my mind since 2012 before the brutality was brought to light, the headlines and news coverage was not the start of the mass incarceration and mass execution that we face. Where the world hasn't known the loss of citizens and members of our societies, families have been reminded of those losses daily and over the years.
Enter Today's Piece Ready To Think Of Loss, Of Injustice, Of Pain In Several Different Lights.
Place me in Ferguson
New York
Queen's gardens, Hull
Los Angeles
Minnesota
Oklahoma
Louisiana
Maryland
Texas
Florida
Anywhere I sweat at a stop
Lose understanding
Of why today
Why on this sidewalk
Why this side of town
Why this neighborhood
Why me
Why this car
Anywhere I went out to
And never returned home
Groceries or snacks I went out to get
But never sat down to sort through
Or eat
unborn child = Womb is the one holding me
Mother is the one expecting me
But I raised my mother's cortisol
When I felt the presence of my father
Gone by the release of a bullet
I am the one who took the impact
When the officer had no regard for my mother
She was past the danger zone
I was just confirmed as established pregnancy
My development just began
I can feel fear trying to clench me
Use umbilical cord to choke me
My mother's pain is seeping through placenta
Her life is keeping mine
But she is dying slowing
She is weeping again
Her arms cupped around baby bump
My mother hopes I won't look like her
But she is proud to embrace my looks
Empower me through her positive confessions
I can hear her each time she talks
Saying I shouldn't hate myself
Because the world will do that for me
She asks me to
Work up the resilience
So my first cry out of birth water
Is proof that I am human
I want to ask her if it's ok to stay in here
But rather I ask her to preserve her strength
Push and don't die on me
My face will be the hope you behold
husband = We just spoke about her
Overcoming her depression
She was happy to take me up
On my promise of a spa day
Since she lost our first child
During childbirth
She just overcome a lot
I was proud of her
She just paid off all her student loans
Planning a retreat for her audience
So I guess woman aren't safe either
My wife was confident
Maybe the officer felt inferior
She knew her rights
Maybe the officers realized they weren't right
I can smell the lies they tried to tell from a mile
Forget that she's my wife
Anybody can see
They had no place harassing her
Lines of patient questioning
Would have clarified anything
No force was necessary
What do I tell her mother
And mine
When they get back from vacation
My wife won't make it to the news
But her scent will leave this home
It will be a reminder of power abused
That took a life
The emptiness of this home
Will alert both mothers that something is gone
And I will break down
When they hear those words leave my lips
'My wife is gone'
My wife will always be my wife
But how do you face
The expectations
With it won't happen
How do you face the plans
With absence of the reason
For which they were planned
How do I fight off the resentment
That could take me from king
To foolish action
boyfriend = Every gun they pulled on us
Was meant to hit our women
Remind us to never stand up
And if you are stupid enough
You will let us kill you
So your women are aggressive
But they will keep giving birth
My girlfriend taught me many things
That your attempt to stop scattering seed
Doesn't stop the sower
From gathering fruit
It affects the seed bearer
From bearing the fruit
That will do something for somebody else
That will fertilize the land
So we each are of use
My girlfriend was a teacher
An open mind
But a password-activated book
Energy wasn't wasted
So neither were words
Silence is a response too
So on that afternoon
As I walked by her side
I knew that patrol car wasn't ready
But I didn't realize that neither was I
We walked into the store on the corner
Hoping they would be gone
Once we got out
She tugged on my hand
That she could see through shelves
That the car wasn't moving
We walked out
One of them got out
Asked her to stand up against the wall
Asked questions on identity
I filmed it all
A pintail comb was mistaken as weapon
Peering through her left pocket
From doing her cousins' hair
Assumptions spilled like broken bottle
Snapple over the sidewalk
Daughter lost
This is the fruit that fertilizes land
Highlights the use of others
I held her head
Until her last breath left her
gun = I am placed in the hands of many
Secured in being defence
Locked and loaded
I am peacemaker
Every use is shooting practice
Evidence will say I went missing
But I know my location
Officer will say I was present
But victim was never an owner
Control with say it is policing me
But i am policing them
I am the connection between
Violation and concealing truth
Nobody will know when I started
And where I ended
I am defenceless
Not choosing when to fire
I can get jammed
But they will find a way
To work the pistol
I am smoke after one round too many
Not to show my work
But exhale at injustice
What would Colt say
Maybe Stopler
Maybe nothing
Is a businessman always a businessman only
Who cares for fresh red paint on sidewalk
In streets
On street corner
In cars
My presence in hands in neighborhoods
Is a reason for you
To numb yourself
Desensitize from screens
16 shots
Is little to nothing
If I don't pierce you
father = I did nothing wrong
My child was used as shooting practice
Given a maturity they haven't reached
Dehumanized
Then sorry is what I will receive
Or worst it was an act of self defence
Or worst nothing happens to those responsible
Or worst you will ask to open the casket again
For more investigation
All your evidence points to injustice
But you will spit again
And mock behind screens
That you seemingly
Have this right to unveil
What I have learned to bury
And adjust to
Adjusting is never possible
Only keeping a void
Seems most suitable
I'm absent my kid dies
I'm present
I can't protect from the eventualities
Which shouldn't hold a chance
It is illegal to be human and black
But legal to shoot from the back
Crush spine
And knock out wind
Legal to shoot in places of residence
Turn home from home
To crime scene
From waking to the place and time of death
From joyful place
To reminder of 'mistaken' killing
How many times must I grieve
While an officer is granted leave
Who pays me back for my loss
When they come back
To a pay raise
Who accounts for years of corrupt communication
Eroded mentalities
Contaminated policing
And a justice system
That goes to sleep too often
To people who will claim colorblind
When I need you to see what you're doing
It is illegal to be human and black
But legal to shoot from the back
Crush spine
And knock out wind
Legal to shoot in places of residence
Turn home from home
To crime scene
From waking to the place and time of death
From joyful place
To reminder of 'mistaken' killing
How many times must I grieve
While an officer is granted leave
Who pays me back for my loss
When they come back
To a pay raise
Who accounts for years of corrupt communication
Eroded mentalities
Contaminated policing
And a justice system
That goes to sleep too often
To people who will claim colorblind
When I need you to see what you're doing
