2019 Reads : Pebble$

This year I borrowed from my community be that friends, libraries or exchanges with other readers. I saved
a lot of coins by looking for books I wanted in libraries or asking other folks who had already
purchased those books.

1. Wanting A God You Can Talk To  :  Jesse Duplantis

2. Praying To Get Results  :  Kenneth E. Hagin

3. The Midas Touch - A Balanced Approach To Biblical Prosperity  :  Kenneth E. Hagin

4. The Screwtape Letters - Letters From A Senior To A Junior Devil  :  C. S. Lewis

5. The Diary of  A Nobody  :  George & Weedon Grossmith

6. A Town Like Alice  :  Nevil Shute

7. No Disrespect  :  Sister Souljah

8. The Grapes Of Wrath  :  John Steinbeck

9. The Poet  X  :  Elizabeth Acevedo

10. Pioneers Or Settlers?  :  Philip Mohabir

11. Their Eyes Were Watching God  :  Zora Neale Hurston

12. The Pilgrim's Progress  :  John Bunyan

13. The Color Purple  :  Alice Walker

14. The Image Of God In You  :  Kenneth Copeland

15. Thank You, Mr Falker  :  Patricia Polacco  (read by Jane Kaczmarek)

16. I  Am  Nobody's  Nigger  :  Dean Atta

17. Hard Times  :  Charles Dickens

18. Rebound  :  Kwame Alexander

19. The Avengers - The Greatest Heroes  :  Alistair Dougall

20. Reflections 1  :  Dolapo Adelakun

21. Hold  :  Michael Donkor

22. In Pieces  :  Sally Field

23. Poems By The Way & Love Is Enough  :  William Morris

24. Assata - An Autobiography  :  Assata Shakur

25. The Creative Edge  :  Matthew Ashimolowo

26. A Month In The Country  :  J. L. Carr

27. Monkeys With Typewriters - How To Write Fiction And Unlock The Secret Power Of Stories  :  Scarlett Thomas

28. Long Way Down  :  Jason Reynolds

29. Washington Black  :  Esi Edugyan

30. A Bad Case Of Stripes  :  David Shannon  (read by Sean Astin)

31. The Road Less Travelled  :  M. Scott Peck

32. Sweet Thing  :  Magda Ayuk

33. Stellaluna  :  Janell Cannon  (read by Pamela Reed)

34. 12 Rules For Life - An Antidote For Chaos  :  Jordan B Peterson

35. The Prophet  :  Khalil Gibran

36.  Apex  :  Ramez Naam

37.  Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine  :  Gail Honeyman

38. 12 Crimes You Commit Against Yourself  :  Dolapo Adelakun

39. Chicken Sunday  :  Patricia Polacco

40. In Other Words  :  Jhumpa Lahiri

41. Sophie's Masterpiece  :  Eileen Spinelli  (read by CCH Pounder)

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

Bullet Hole Roses

This  quarter's  guest blog post comes from Aesthetica Poetica who speaks on  SPEAK  YOUR  HEART  which looks

at  feelings through one  of  her poems on the death of  innocence and  lives cut short.

Joyful lives shattered to smithereens

Minds traumatised by deafening screams 

Innocence robbed... unrequited dreams 

Tattooed nightmares; blood stained hearts and minds

Blindfolded through fear by humankind

Our lurking enemy... undefined 

Yet out of bullet holes roses grow

Selfless acts of kindness, freely shown

Still...

Keep Reading

Courtesy of © 2015  Debbie Razey

#RepresentCollective: Are You Strong?

Image source   :   Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater

From him comes the strength
Of all that man has ever envisioned and more

From him comes knowledge.

A hunger that grows and a brain that feeds constantly.

From him comes the bond of brothers,

Boldness of enterprise

It's in his eyes I find determination.

Yes he is strong,
Muscle like hams, glutes & traps can show you his physical attributes

Possibly make it clearer to see all that he can hold.

As for those things he is more silent about,

There lies his truth

His true strength.

When he is busy working without knowing it,

Speaking life without even knowing.

Stretching himself for his own benefit,

Because what he does for himself is for everyone's benefit.

His strength is in how useful he is

It is in the heights he will reach.

He is the strength of brotherhood that devours books,

Grasps and shares knowledge..

He is the art of ballet.

A bared body to show the nudity of his strength when it is needed most,

Dignified at all times because it is necessary at all times.

He is the bare body of work within trials played back for you to see,

Mountains that have proudly etched his name.

Lands that keep his name in the sand,
Emboss his footsteps in its earth.

He is a son that matters,

A man that should be minded,

A force to acknowledge.

Not worth castrating or hanging

Not worth silencing or losing

I'm looking for representation of men that look like my father -

Men who stayed,

Men who caused problems &

The same ones who solved them.

Men that caused riots,

Used lives to make change,

Men who took and take dangerous risks.

Men we will hate,

Misunderstand,

Understand,

Agree to disagree with,

Men who must find peace.

Representation is a man who needs to unearth his wrongs

And speak when he is ready,

His strength bound in being real with himself and others.

I measure his strength by his heart,

You are weak as you weaken your heart

But strong as you know how to take care of that organ

That issues the up and downs of life.

How will my men handle it?

Remove pitchfork,

My men have no reason to be burnt at any stake,

Carried away from home or their minds.

DO not question mental to insult or disregard,

Ask because you really need to.

Ask because you see a need too.

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

A Personal Essay: A Bar Set High

Photography :  EyeOfLeke

My circumstance isn't special. I am just silent where others seek to find their voices.

I love the attainment of a place on a bar set so high they don't expect you to reach it. Reaching that bar is never about them, it should be about you. Anytime I have done anything for someone else I didn't enjoy the achievement. Let's just say I caught onto God's plan. I realized hoping someone else would face regrets while you celebrate isn't a mindset of the high achiever. Rather we attain heights to break the bars and keep that ride pushing.

As I attain those heights and keep that ride pushing I notice there's a kind of growth that will always come alongside peace. That peace comes with a youthfulness which causes others to question age and achievement. Being inquisitive will get you there, seeking continual improvement will get you there. Give people no power to emotionally control you and you are partly on your way there, openly reflect on how you approach conversations, requests and whatever challenges come to you daily. Open reflection helps with knowing that I am never unaware of what my true intentions are in anything. Combining this with time stolen by rejection letters nobody knows you received, periods of life where I began to reject myself and kept it pushing. Remember that these periods are bars too, they may seem lower than you but in those moments they were bars set high. I overcame and overcome them by deciding to keep on trying, to get back up, to cut off some communication and identifying how to approach the bar next time.

I think about the times when those who loved me most feared that trials would lead me into depression, but what is depression when your hope and optimism constantly contradicts every trial your face. What is depression when suicide is never successful? Suicide where art thou voice and control that lingered at periods when I was fresh off baby formula. I am not immune to life but what I am is equipped. I am equipped with armor intended to provide some protection which includes - Jesus, remembering how I have overcome before, the good days, noticing small things, the songs of my childhood, where I could have been if it wasn't for Jesus Christ, hope and what I HAVE achieved.

A bar set high means I almost set myself up for my dream college but missed the scholarship deadline. I almost achieved a lot of things but missed the bus to those destinations. Here comes that word again *almost*. Life almost ended for me before my 9th birthday but I found poetry and educated myself on the spiritual repercussions of taking something I didn't give myself. LIFE.

I've applied for dreams that I don't think are a reflection of me now that I get the chance to think thoroughly about it. I took responsibility for my life way too young, so shared burdens aren't something I will grasp well. Why should I show my blood, my scars, and bruises to people who didn't cut me? Better yet people who can never understand me so will seek to simplify my experience to something more elementary. I feel things deeply so don't ever try to change that. I've seen shallow and trust me, it isn't tempting neither does it lift people over bars set high.

Life is more precious when you understand its substance and know how to measure the importance

of one moment to the next.

Life is more precious when you are interested in the small details when the small details matter. The bar set high is reaching for college when I wanted nothing to do with the institution. It is college program titles that go out of view in application windows. No brag all jokes. It's a search for the specialism that defines my path best, hoping it will lead to being a master of one or two.

Through it all, what kept my mind intact kept me together was nothing less than Jesus Christ himself the ultimate bar setter and overcomer. Just a reminder that my bar set high and overcome is a story for us all. My story isn't for me alone, pity me if you want but I don't live in my residence of bitterness any longer. Miss Pebble$ got upgraded to a new apartment building and I got a beautiful view too. Still asking my savior to hold my hand but I'm not doing it my way any longer, Holy Spirit take control you're the new homie now. Lord got every position from Board of Directors to senior business partner of this brand right here through to Master of Operations. I can't claim to live without first dying to the impossible move of trying to save myself. Trying to save, pick up and salvage my broken pieces that only remain because of Him.

The bar can only be reached completely. Completely means I salvage all my pieces and learn how to walk again. Go between celebrating myself more and calling myself out when I ought to try harder, do more and go beyond ordinary. Cry, get to the other side of confusion, seek clarity, shut nothing down that helps your growth. Know solitude, appreciate it, respect it and teach others to respect it. Move from no attainment because 'I can't do it' or because 'the weight seems too heavy to bear'. Nobody rewards you for selling yourself short, they will pick up all the gold coins when you give up too soon.

The bar doesn't lower itself when you give up. So why are you stopping before the mark. Why are you skipping classes if you want to level up? Attendance matters it just depends on what your attention is on.

The next hour is another opportunity, you have 60 reasons to breathe. Those breaths are a sign that life is still within - take every step on the ladder and don't miss a single one. You can reach that next bar but what is your attention on?

My attention was set on accountability. Accountability to myself, to those I am meant to help in this lifetime and to Him

who continually gives me life and life more abundantly.

   Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

#RocciaEFilosofia| Episode 4.

Everybody needs a break whether from hard work, a long day or from life's challenges. You need a place to go apart before you fall apart. You need a place where you go when you're a little lost in life and don't know what to do when you don't know if you
should keep holding on there should be a safe space. 


Extra Notes To Take Away:

1. You have three main gates - ears, eyes & mouth. What passes the filters going in or going out, what value do you place on these. If taken seriously your soul will be well taken care of. A soul that is taken care of leads to a mind and body that

are also well taken care of, they all come into alignment with your soul's state.

2. This life is hard enough as it is so why not give hope a chance. The hope of Christ and lifted burdens makes room for a new identity that comes with free therapy for life.

3. Some things are intended to wipe you out. Leave you looking as wrecked as you have been, but the light of Christ is the grace that displaces any darkness. You've Got More

To Gain Than Lose.

4. God in his infinite nature is a creator of perfection, but when it comes to opening his heart to his children he doesn't do perfect. All the things that you think might disqualify you from trying him, those things check the list of what he looks for

in his ideal child.

5. Will you give him a chance, will you? I have plenty of testimonies of my own. Start from episode one and let me know if anything is missing.

Last question.

6. Where is your soul going when you die & where are you going?

" People who want the best out of something will learn that thing until they know how to use it."

A device without a manual is useless, look for the manual just in case you get into some problems it will
be useful. You will need help on this journey. It will be beneficial to seek both the doctor and the doctor's advice.
There is one manual I would like you to try with this device called Life - the Bible.





Feel free to leave a comment if you would like an episode or episodes on navigating the bible.
I would be more than happy to do that for you.

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

Can You Proofread Girlfriend ?!

It was a challenge writing this one even though I knew what I wanted to say. I had some knowledge and experience to work with but I needed it to be useful for somebody else. The tool I'm using for this post made itself unforgettable but not in that Nat King Cole way. I was constantly reminded that this post needed writing - how though? Every ad on YouTube at one point was only Grammarly ads and still is. So I have given in to the reminders, here it is finally. If you have any other suggestions once you finish reading, please feel free to leave a comment.

1 | - Do the very things that scare you as a writer i.e. trying different writing styles, formats, language use.

2 | - Be that friend that can be relied on for opinions on work and projects. 2.1 - I have proofread everything from legal letters to business proposals and even personal statements for job applications. Being honest with my opinions I have found that those friends or people who had asked for help tended to agree with the changes I suggested. 2.2 - Don't limit your scope. 2.3 - There's a word I'm looking for and can't find at this moment. [Description: when someone dictates and another writes, almost like a personal assistant or secretary does for a boss]. The point is not to limit your scope but rather use this as an opportunity to see how you will improve what is written once the listening is done. Bringing that text to its final form, the process of it. 2.4 - Sometimes you will be writing, proofreading & offering your opinion but don't overwhelm yourself. Start with one then develop the rest.

3 | - I developed this skill further in College [university]. 3.1 - Being smart and approachable in college works to your benefit. Not only will people trust your perspective and knowledge but they know you'll gain nothing copying their work. 3.2 - Build trust with folks. It will soon become a free exercise that keeps your knowledge tested and improves your understanding. 3.3 - People who don't have the same majors or even the same degree as you will ask for your help. Guess what that is also to your benefit. You might even learn a few things while reading. 3.4 - Some of my best proofreading exercises have come when I knew nothing about the subject. In these instances I just scanned documents for grammar, sentence structure, shortening long sentences, checking spelling and the overall look of a document. I guess you can say that after a while yes, girlfriend can proofread and improve your esthetic at the same time.

4 | - Learn to read others' work. It brings out the perfectionist in you. 4.1 - Actually READ their work for what it was before your mind went into proofreader mode. 4.2 - You will be tempted to switch the text to your thinking but you have to remember to keep the integrity of their work while polishing it to a standard. 4.3 - Keep their thoughts visible but don't be afraid to use that strikethrough. 4.4 - Try to make sense of their work before you leave the red questions (refer to 9.2). You need something to form the basis of your questions, so they know how to bring their ideas to a coherent place. 4.5 - Once again, just in case you didn't see it 'don't be afraid to use that strikethrough'.

5 | - Being the best writer you can be, requires that you go out of your comfort to continually learn, expand your mind and stretch your creativity. 5.1 - Critique what you write. You can only honestly do this when you step away and forget that it's your work. Kind of hard, I know but you have to try. 5.2 - Practice makes perfect. Attentive readers make great proofreaders. 5.3 - Pay attention. When you're reading books, what do you notice? When you read for classes or work what do you notice in those documents? Learn from them and make use of what you find the next time you have the job of proofreader - where relevant of course.

6 | - Do not be afraid to use the Internet as a resource, there are plenty of poorly written captions, comments and blog posts for you to practice with. 6.1 - Do not get the identity of 'grammar police' attached to your online presence. Rather copy those sections of text and place them in a Word document or whatever program you use. Next turn that text red and, below it type in black with the corrections. Analyze what makes it so bad, what can be improved and more. 6.2 - You can write several edits. Edits with a few word changes. Edits with a different structure. Edits that rewrite the text. An edit that refines but keeps the integrity of the original text. There are so many ways to challenge yourself.

7 | - The dictionary is your best friend. 7.1 - Is the word simple? Do you know what it means? Yes, but I just need to check if it's used in the right context. 7.2 - "Yes, but I just need to check if it's used in the right context." I totally feel you and so do many of my poet friends on Instagram. You are not alone. 7.3 - Don't forget that a thesaurus is welcome too, we need help with synonyms and bringing those documents to a coherent place.

8 | - Nobody benefits from you trying to be nice. 8.1 - So dice, chop and take apart those pages, those paragraphs or documents. 8.2 - Be truthful and a little ruthless. If the sentence has got to go, it has got to go.

8.3 - Grammarly doesn't play when it thinks you have changes to make, so why should you.

9 | - Are you open to multiple formats? 9.1 - A printed document or electronic document. 9.2 - For the printed document (go into teacher mode with a black and red pen) black is for the minor edits and red is for highlighting bigger changes to be made or questions you have for the owner of the document. 9.3 - Questions are for clarity, getting context. Asking if your understanding of the paragraph was, what they intended for it to be. 9.4 - Electronic documents do have their difficulties but in my opinion are easier. Just highlight text, add comments and create color codes for things you've highlighted in the text.

10 | - What's that weird habit? Own it. 10.1 - I confess that I can't read documents in anything besides justified. It feels uncomfortable. If I don't have a choice I try my best, but you better believe I feel like I'm being punished inside. 10.2 - Sometimes formatting a document before I decide to even start reading it. (I actually did this before I read this blog post through from beginning to end, so it's a habit)

This post was checked through Grammarly. I used this tool just to play with the idea of proofreading tools. Although the tool

in the case of this post is a human being who you trust.

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

The Visuals Process - Pebble$

This one is for the content creators, the writers, poets, filmmakers, photographers. Any creative mind that merges message with achieved visual, I got you on this one. Consistency is a major key in any growth that we wish to see, it is key component in the recipe for some level of success. BUT why is this very consistency the one thing we lose sleep over through blank screens, blank projects, blank scripts.. especially when we're trying. I'm here to let you know that I understand you. I appreciate you in your gaps in consistency, I'm rooting for you when there are no visuals to connect and carry your story through. Oh how about the days when the visuals are in place, the setup is working with you - it's perfect, but the message hasn't quite formed, I understand you on those days too.

Take it easy on yourself, work on consuming while you can't produce. Create peace when the noise disrupts your flow. Have a space to note it all down, do not edit thoughts, do not stop the flow, if it makes sense create space for it, if it doesn't make sense create space for it, if the complete picture is there create space for it, if the idea is a mess create space for it, when the dots don't connect it still matters they will connect later. Create a space and place for it all, color code if you want, organize into folders, documents, whatever works for you. Don't do anything to stop yourself or get in your own way. We need you, your readers need you, the audience needs you - so show up, no pressure.

-  When the dots don't connect it still matters they will connect later  - 

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

" Touching The Hem Of His Garment"

The hem is a type and shadow of the Word & gathered anointing. It is a point at which Word meets a reality, that is found in your belief, your hunger, your willingness to reach forth and grab the Word for what it is and what it can be. The hem is the presence of truths knitted together, look at each stitch ready to learn, to grasp lessons that come full circle. After your searching, your pain, your experiences it is at the hem that you will find what it is you've been looking for from the beginning of your time.

The hem is a reminder. When the lowest points are reached, when you become identified by your problem instead of your name first it's time to reach for the hem. It becomes a moment when the set time is here, it is a time to rise up in your weakness, reaching forward to the truth of what it means to be His child. Draw on the strength that you have, stretch out from your pain, reach for help, let the anointing be a fresh shower that renews you. The hem is a reminder for you and the problem, the problem can't be your identity any longer and you will be reminded of what your name is.

Let the hem be your beginning when life intended to put an end to your faith. Let the white towel be burned, dust your shoes with it get that shine back. Let your bleeding and hurting come to an end, you will never walk that street alone ever again. You will never see life with the same set of eyes after this. Perceive new things, new places, a new peace because it can all be yours. All yours without any condition besides letting go. Besides just trying, disobeying yourself in giving up and hoping for one more chance to try your best. Hoping for one more chance to really connect with Creator, to really hear Him.

Your problems will not finish you off, you will come to an end in this beating. You will step forward out of its hold & get back what you were before it came. You will put pen to paper, and for the first time the ink will run it will follow your every movement. For the first time you will wait for the pain to return but it won't come, you will look around corners to see where the problems are hiding but they won't be there.

The hem is the gathered anointing that makes you whole. It gives you beauty for ashes, dignity for disgrace and laughter for sorrow. Meet your reality with the Word, depend on the word and don't over-analyze. Don't compromise where you ought to leap, leaping will bring you understanding that you CAN lean on. The hem is a step towards a change in status, a lifting up of your head. The hem of His garment, is a place where you are known. In the midst of the crowd it's your touch that he recognizes and feels the deepest.

At the hem you are all that matters, and all that matters to you counts for something too. You are known, you are sought after & your needs are met. You get to the hem by whatever means necessary and your reason for being there can only be justified by you - no one has permission to dismiss it.

When they ask what type of faith is required to reach for the hem, hold the hem & identify with the hem. It is the absolute, opaque, hard-hitting, won't-leave-until-you-bless-me, you-won't-be-pushing-me-aside-today kind of faith, that is required. It is the faith that is willing to replace fear, the faith that home schools and dismisses doubts time and time again. It is the faith as small as a mustard seed, unmoved and constantly expectant. It is the faith that is all the way there, no matter how small.

Reach for the hem, touch the hem of His garment as many times as you need to. Don't let anyone discourage you. That place right there is personal, it is your own.

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

Now Playing : Tank And The Bangas

Been scared to fly, running from falling in love.
There are many things I didn't want to face and rides I would rather take than navigating conversations.
I sometimes forget that I need music like this to do something for me.
I forget that I must open myself to feed the artist, through appreciation for another.
Encouraged to do more, explore differently and validate every story that needs you to tell it.

Leave today's blog post with some relief, this one creates an experience so enjoy here.

Feel free to leave a comment, and let me know how you feel about the recommendation.

Courtesy of © 2017  Tank And The Bangas

Comfort, The Zone I'm In

Today we talk about comfort zones. Breaking out of them and comparing them to situations in life that we may
not always think about. The travel is cheap but the expense of wasted territory ain't. If I can have 10 minutes
of your time, maybe just a little less than that you hear me out and I await your response.


This time, this one came close to home. So I am honest in searching for the exit on the comfort I've enjoyed and
where we need to be headed to next. You don't have to qualify for that place of uncomfortable, all you need
is just a hunger for understanding and putting in the work.


Let's talk.

  Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

What Is My Worth Without My Career?

This quarter's guest blog post comes from Grace F Victory, who speaks on  RECYCLE, RESTORE, COMPLETE  which looks at identifying how career can meet us at wherever we are, being whoever we are but be ready to appreciate your achievements, identify your own neglect and learn how to focus on you again.

Right now I'm chilling on the sofa, weekly vlogs on in the background, hand attached to a packet of mini eggs and I'm watching the snowy world go by outside.

Monday's however don't usually go like this. Monday's are usually my hardest working day of the week. I'm up, dressed and ready before 9am and by now, I would've already filmed a few videos, edited one, wrote a few posts and tackled my inbox. I like to start the week as I mean to go. Strong, productive and full of energy. Unlike most, I generally enjoy Monday's and try to make the most of the time.

But this Monday is different. At the end of last week and over the weekend I had a severe allergic reaction to hair dye. My face has blown up like elephant man, and my eyes and nose are so swollen, I don't even recognise myself. I feel fine, just a little drowsy from my medication, but goodness gracious me, I don't look my best right now. I resemble a chipmunk and if I don't laugh, I might just cry haha.

Due to the absolute state that is my face, all my work, shoots and plans for the next 5-7 days have been cancelled. So I have found myself with  a lot of time on my hands - something I'm not really used to.

So starting my week outside of my usual routine has got me thinking about something that's been at the back of my mind for a while...

Keep Reading

Courtesy of  © 2018  Grace F Victory

That's My Blood On Your Hands

This idea has lingered back and forth in my mind since 2012 before the brutality was brought to light, the headlines and news coverage was not the start of the mass incarceration and mass execution that we face. Where the world hasn't known the loss of citizens and members of our societies, families have been reminded of those losses daily and over the years.

Enter Today's Piece Ready To Think Of Loss, Of Injustice, Of Pain In Several Different Lights.

Place me in Ferguson

New York

Queen's gardens, Hull

Los Angeles

Minnesota

Oklahoma

Louisiana

Maryland

Texas

Florida

Anywhere I sweat at a stop

Lose understanding

Of why today

Why on this sidewalk

Why this side of town

Why this neighborhood

Why me

Why this car

Anywhere I went out to

And never returned home

Groceries or snacks I went out to get

But never sat down to sort through

Or eat

unborn child = Womb is the one holding me
Mother is the one expecting me
But I raised my mother's cortisol
When I felt the presence of my father
Gone by the release of a bullet
I am the one who took the impact
When the officer had no regard for my mother
She was past the danger zone
I was just confirmed as established pregnancy
My development just began
I can feel fear trying to clench me
Use umbilical cord to choke me
My mother's pain is seeping through placenta
Her life is keeping mine
But she is dying slowing
She is weeping again
Her arms cupped around baby bump
My mother hopes I won't look like her
But she is proud to embrace my looks
Empower me through her positive confessions
I can hear her each time she talks
Saying I shouldn't hate myself
Because the world will do that for me
She asks me to
Work up the resilience
So my first cry out of birth water
Is proof that I am human
I want to ask her if it's ok to stay in here
But rather I ask her to preserve her strength
Push and don't die on me
My face will be the hope you behold

husband = We just spoke about her

Overcoming her depression

She was happy to take me up

On my promise of a spa day

Since she lost our first child

During childbirth

She just overcome a lot

I was proud of her

She just paid off all her student loans

Planning a retreat for her audience

So I guess woman aren't safe either

My wife was confident

Maybe the officer felt inferior

She knew her rights

Maybe the officers realized they weren't right

I can smell the lies they tried to tell from a mile

Forget that she's my wife

Anybody can see

They had no place harassing her

Lines of patient questioning

Would have clarified anything

No force was necessary

What do I tell her mother

And mine

When they get back from vacation

My wife won't make it to the news

But her scent will leave this home

It will be a reminder of power abused

That took a life

The emptiness of this home

Will alert both mothers that something is gone

And I will break down

When they hear those words leave my lips

'My wife is gone'

My wife will always be my wife

But how do you face

The expectations

With it won't happen

How do you face the plans

With absence of the reason

For which they were planned

How do I fight off the resentment

That could take me from king

To foolish action

boyfriend = Every gun they pulled on us
Was meant to hit our women
Remind us to never stand up
And if you are stupid enough
You will let us kill you
So your women are aggressive
But they will keep giving birth
My girlfriend taught me many things
That your attempt to stop scattering seed
Doesn't stop the sower
From gathering fruit
It affects the seed bearer
From bearing the fruit
That will do something for somebody else
That will fertilize the land
So we each are of use
My girlfriend was a teacher
An open mind
But a password-activated book
Energy wasn't wasted
So neither were words
Silence is a response too
So on that afternoon
As I walked by her side
I knew that patrol car wasn't ready
But I didn't realize that neither was I
We walked into the store on the corner
Hoping they would be gone
Once we got out
She tugged on my hand
That she could see through shelves
That the car wasn't moving
We walked out
One of them got out
Asked her to stand up against the wall
Asked questions on identity
I filmed it all
A pintail comb was mistaken as weapon
Peering through her left pocket
From doing her cousins' hair
Assumptions spilled like broken bottle
Snapple over the sidewalk
Daughter lost
This is the fruit that fertilizes land
Highlights the use of others
I held her head
Until her last breath left her

gun = I am placed in the hands of many

Secured in being defence

Locked and loaded

I am peacemaker

Every use is shooting practice

Evidence will say I went missing

But I know my location

Officer will say I was present

But victim was never an owner

Control with say it is policing me

But i am policing them

I am the connection between

Violation and concealing truth

Nobody will know when I started

And where I ended

I am defenceless

Not choosing when to fire

I can get jammed

But they will find a way

To work the pistol

I am smoke after one round too many

Not to show my work

But exhale at injustice

What would Colt say

Maybe Stopler

Maybe nothing

Is a businessman always a businessman only

Who cares for fresh red paint on sidewalk

In streets

On street corner

In cars

My presence in hands in neighborhoods

Is a reason for you

To numb yourself

Desensitize from screens

16 shots

Is little to nothing

If I don't pierce you

father = I did nothing wrong
My child was used as shooting practice
Given a maturity they haven't reached
Dehumanized
Then sorry is what I will receive
Or worst it was an act of self defence
Or worst nothing happens to those responsible
Or worst you will ask to open the casket again
For more investigation
All your evidence points to injustice
But you will spit again
And mock behind screens
That you seemingly
Have this right to unveil
What I have learned to bury
And adjust to
Adjusting is never possible
Only keeping a void
Seems most suitable
I'm absent my kid dies
I'm present
I can't protect from the eventualities

Which shouldn't hold a chance
It is illegal to be human and black
But legal to shoot from the back
Crush spine 
And knock out wind
Legal to shoot in places of residence
Turn home from home
To crime scene
From waking to the place and time of death
From joyful place
To reminder of 'mistaken' killing
How many times must I grieve
While an officer is granted leave
Who pays me back for my loss
When they come back
To a pay raise
Who accounts for years of corrupt communication
Eroded mentalities
Contaminated policing
And a justice system
That goes to sleep too often
To people who will claim colorblind
When I need you to see what you're doing

Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt