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Wednesday, May 29, 2019

A Personal Essay: A Bar Set High



Photography :  EyeOfLeke



My circumstance isn't special. I am just silent where others seek to find their voices.

I love the attainment of a place on a bar set so high they don't expect you to reach it. Reaching that bar is never about them, it should be about you. Anytime I have done anything for someone else I didn't enjoy the achievement. Let's just say I caught onto God's plan. I realized hoping someone else would face regrets while you celebrate isn't a mindset of the high achiever. Rather we attain heights to break the bars and keep that ride pushing.

As I attain those heights and keep that ride pushing I notice there's a kind of growth that will always come alongside peace. That peace comes with a youthfulness which causes others to question age and achievement. Being inquisitive will get you there, seeking continual improvement will get you there. Give people no power to emotionally control you and you are partly on your way there, openly reflect on how you approach conversations, requests and whatever challenges come to you daily. Open reflection helps with knowing that I am never unaware of what my true intentions are in anything. Combining this with time stolen by rejection letters nobody knows you received, periods of life where I began to reject myself and kept it pushing. Remember that these periods are bars too, they may seem lower than you but in those moments they were bars set high. I overcame and overcome them by deciding to keep on trying, to get back up, to cut off some communication and identifying how to approach the bar next time.

I think about the times when those who loved me most feared that trials would lead me into depression, but what is depression when your hope and optimism constantly contradicts every trial your face. What is depression when suicide is never successful? Suicide where art thou voice and control that lingered at periods when I was fresh off baby formula. I am not immune to life but what I am is equipped. I am equipped with armor intended to provide some protection which includes - Jesus, remembering how I have overcome before, the good days, noticing small things, the songs of my childhood, where I could have been if it wasn't for Jesus Christ, hope and what I HAVE achieved.

A bar set high means I almost set myself up for my dream college but missed the scholarship deadline. I almost achieved a lot of things but missed the bus to those destinations. Here comes that word again *almost*. Life almost ended for me before my 9th birthday but I found poetry and educated myself on the spiritual repercussions of taking something I didn't give myself. LIFE.

I've applied for dreams that I don't think are a reflection of me now that I get the chance to think thoroughly about it. I took responsibility for my life way too young, so shared burdens aren't something I will grasp well. Why should I show my blood, my scars, and bruises to people who didn't cut me? Better yet people who can never understand me so will seek to simplify my experience to something more elementary. I feel things deeply so don't ever try to change that. I've seen shallow and trust me, it isn't tempting neither does it lift people over bars set high.


Life is more precious when you understand its substance and know how to measure the importance
of one moment to the next.


Life is more precious when you are interested in the small details when the small details matter. The bar set high is reaching for college when I wanted nothing to do with the institution. It is college program titles that go out of view in application windows. No brag all jokes. It's a search for the specialism that defines my path best, hoping it will lead to being a master of one or two.

Through it all, what kept my mind intact kept me together was nothing less than Jesus Christ himself the ultimate bar setter and overcomer. Just a reminder that my bar set high and overcome is a story for us all. My story isn't for me alone, pity me if you want but I don't live in my residence of bitterness any longer. Miss Pebble$ got upgraded to a new apartment building and I got a beautiful view too. Still asking my savior to hold my hand but I'm not doing it my way any longer, Holy Spirit take control you're the new homie now. Lord got every position from Board of Directors to senior business partner of this brand right here through to Master of Operations. I can't claim to live without first dying to the impossible move of trying to save myself. Trying to save, pick up and salvage my broken pieces that only remain because of Him.

The bar can only be reached completely. Completely means I salvage all my pieces and learn how to walk again. Go between celebrating myself more and calling myself out when I ought to try harder, do more and go beyond ordinary. Cry, get to the other side of confusion, seek clarity, shut nothing down that helps your growth. Know solitude, appreciate it, respect it and teach others to respect it. Move from no attainment because 'I can't do it' or because 'the weight seems too heavy to bear'. Nobody rewards you for selling yourself short, they will pick up all the gold coins when you give up too soon.

The bar doesn't lower itself when you give up. So why are you stopping before the mark. Why are you skipping classes if you want to level up? Attendance matters it just depends on what your attention is on.

The next hour is another opportunity, you have 60 reasons to breathe. Those breaths are a sign that life is still within - take every step on the ladder and don't miss a single one. You can reach that next bar but what is your attention on?



My attention was set on accountability. Accountability to myself, to those I am meant to help in this lifetime and to Him
who continually gives me life and life more abundantly.





   Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

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Peace & Love !