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Wednesday, January 23, 2019

That's My Blood On Your Hands






This idea has lingered back and forth in my mind since 2012 before the brutality was brought to light, the headlines and news coverage was not the start of the mass incarceration and mass execution that we face. Where the world hasn't known the loss of citizens and members of our societies, families have been reminded of those losses daily and over the years.



Enter Today's Piece Ready To Think Of Loss, Of Injustice, Of Pain In Several Different Lights.


Place me in Ferguson
New York
Queen's gardens, Hull
Los Angeles
Minnesota
Oklahoma
Louisiana
Maryland
Texas
Florida
Anywhere I sweat at a stop
Lose understanding
Of why today
Why on this sidewalk
Why this side of town
Why this neighborhood
Why me
Why this car
Anywhere I went out to
And never returned home
Groceries or snacks I went out to get
But never sat down to sort through
Or eat

unborn child = Womb is the one holding me
Mother is the one expecting me
But I raised my mother's cortisol
When I felt the presence of my father
Gone by the release of a bullet
I am the one who took the impact
When the officer had no regard for my mother
She was past the danger zone
I was just confirmed as established pregnancy
My development just began
I can feel fear trying to clench me
Use umbilical cord to choke me
My mother's pain is seeping through placenta
Her life is keeping mine
But she is dying slowing
She is weeping again
Her arms cupped around baby bump
My mother hopes I won't look like her
But she is proud to embrace my looks
Empower me through her positive confessions
I can hear her each time she talks
Saying I shouldn't hate myself
Because the world will do that for me
She asks me to
Work up the resilience
So my first cry out of birth water
Is proof that I am human
I want to ask her if it's ok to stay in here
But rather I ask her to preserve her strength
Push and don't die on me
My face will be the hope you behold


husband = We just spoke about her
Overcoming her depression
She was happy to take me up
On my promise of a spa day
Since she lost our first child
During childbirth
She just overcome a lot
I was proud of her
She just paid off all her student loans
Planning a retreat for her audience
So I guess woman aren't safe either
My wife was confident
Maybe the officer felt inferior
She knew her rights
Maybe the officers realized they weren't right
I can smell the lies they tried to tell from a mile
Forget that she's my wife
Anybody can see
They had no place harassing her
Lines of patient questioning
Would have clarified anything
No force was necessary
What do I tell her mother
And mine
When they get back from vacation
My wife won't make it to the news
But her scent will leave this home
It will be a reminder of power abused
That took a life
The emptiness of this home
Will alert both mothers that something is gone
And I will break down
When they hear those words leave my lips
'My wife is gone'
My wife will always be my wife
But how do you face
The expectations
With it won't happen
How do you face the plans
With absence of the reason
For which they were planned
How do I fight off the resentment
That could take me from king
To foolish action




boyfriend = Every gun they pulled on us
Was meant to hit our women
Remind us to never stand up
And if you are stupid enough
You will let us kill you
So your women are aggressive
But they will keep giving birth
My girlfriend taught me many things
That your attempt to stop scattering seed
Doesn't stop the sower
From gathering fruit
It affects the seed bearer
From bearing the fruit
That will do something for somebody else
That will fertilize the land
So we each are of use
My girlfriend was a teacher
An open mind
But a password-activated book
Energy wasn't wasted
So neither were words
Silence is a response too
So on that afternoon
As I walked by her side
I knew that patrol car wasn't ready
But I didn't realize that neither was I
We walked into the store on the corner
Hoping they would be gone
Once we got out
She tugged on my hand
That she could see through shelves
That the car wasn't moving
We walked out
One of them got out
Asked her to stand up against the wall
Asked questions on identity
I filmed it all
A pintail comb was mistaken as weapon
Peering through her left pocket
From doing her cousins' hair
Assumptions spilled like broken bottle
Snapple over the sidewalk
Daughter lost
This is the fruit that fertilizes land
Highlights the use of others
I held her head
Until her last breath left her

gun = I am placed in the hands of many
Secured in being defence
Locked and loaded
I am peacemaker
Every use is shooting practice
Evidence will say I went missing
But I know my location
Officer will say I was present
But victim was never an owner
Control with say it is policing me
But i am policing them
I am the connection between
Violation and concealing truth
Nobody will know when I started
And where I ended
I am defenceless
Not choosing when to fire
I can get jammed
But they will find a way
To work the pistol
I am smoke after one round too many
Not to show my work
But exhale at injustice
What would Colt say
Maybe Stopler
Maybe nothing
Is a businessman always a businessman only
Who cares for fresh red paint on sidewalk
In streets
On street corner
In cars
My presence in hands in neighborhoods
Is a reason for you
To numb yourself
Desensitize from screens
16 shots
Is little to nothing
If I don't pierce you

fatherI did nothing wrong
My child was used as shooting practice
Given a maturity they haven't reached
Dehumanized
Then sorry is what I will receive
Or worst it was an act of self defence
Or worst nothing happens to those responsible
Or worst you will ask to open the casket again
For more investigation
All your evidence points to injustice
But you will spit again
And mock behind screens
That you seemingly
Have this right to unveil
What I have learned to bury
And adjust to
Adjusting is never possible
Only keeping a void
Seems most suitable
I'm absent my kid dies
I'm present
I can't protect from the eventualities
Which shouldn't hold a chance
It is illegal to be human and black
But legal to shoot from the back
Crush spine 
And knock out wind
Legal to shoot in places of residence
Turn home from home
To crime scene
From waking to the place and time of death
From joyful place
To reminder of 'mistaken' killing
How many times must I grieve
While an officer is granted leave
Who pays me back for my loss
When they come back
To a pay raise
Who accounts for years of corrupt communication
Eroded mentalities
Contaminated policing
And a justice system
That goes to sleep too often
To people who will claim colorblind
When I need you to see what you're doing


Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Your Purpose & Intention Is A Package





First step, dispose of your fear. Step two, make some bookings. Step three, find what you love. Final step, stop playing already and cast all your doubts aside.


Have a base, a home base. Run there to find your quiet, so your days come out as a product of that peace. Moving forward, take care of what's on the inside, the parts that eyes don't see and hands can't touch. When you guard these spaces and parts of you, business can be handled without a mess. Who are you engaging with in 2019 and beyond, and what energy does that drain or add. A simple question to start each conversation mentally so you can decide how to handle it externally. There are days when the usual commentators and contacts will have to have their access to you qualified, 'do they need to be granted?'. In the instance of a 'No', swipe and keep it pushing. Put them on a to-do list and respond later, moments are yours and not everybody is meant to get a free feature.

After people are qualified, whose opinions really matter. This might not be a year of cut people from the friends list. It just might be a time when all of us have to realize that I can hang with this friend all day everyday and not feel worse but we need to enjoy our solitude. Self-care may not be a group activity at all times, mental spaces may need a refreshing where the only natural sounds that feature are your thoughts and breathing. 

Opinions will feature, that's inevitable. With each step of your progression, you will have a purpose to each move made and the end result of that is your intention. How many people can translate what's important to you between the purpose you set and the intended effect you had in mind. Who will respect your crazy ideas this year, allow you to fail or succeed, AND not hit you with the 'I told you so' but help you to dust off and ask some questions.


1. What did you learn from this?  2. What will you do next?  3. What is the mental impact of this journey?  4. What's on your mind, the thoughts going through your head?

That's just a start. Your purpose isn't just set in a day, your dreams are not intended to leave you directionless. Rather these things help your mind to do a little exercise, strengthen the muscle of each moment that lead to a life filled with moments. I hope you constantly live in today, it helps in not letting life pass you by. It lets tomorrow arrive with the peace you set at your home base, tomorrow is welcomed when you've shown great hospitality to Today.

______________________________________


Slay the goliaths of each day in obedience to what you have to do, what you are to achieve, the places you must reach. Today could be for baby steps, that translate to a tomorrow of greater plans executed, be comfortable in that space let the mission occupy your mind not the comparison you got with Alison.

Within each day, from day to day - Consume, Consume, Consume. Consume what enables and encourages your growth, consume what is needed for learning as each day is filled with learning something new. Learn to expand, learn to contribute and learn to gain clarity so you eventually navigate a space of applying what you learn to enrich your experience through life. Enrich your experience of life, being present and living. Knowing the whys and whats, that will keep your feet on the path.

Your feet remaining on the path is KEY. Your value is greater than just you and feeling worthless at moments. Your obedience to purpose is a newton's cradle that affects the momentum of your life, journey, business, your writing, your art and those who are connected to your journey.

This year reach full persuasion and be fully persuaded that you are important but not above the purpose that you have but rather within the purpose. And not outside of the business you are assigned to mind. Take gooood care of yourself ! 



The world will try you, are you ready to put it on trial and win every single time. Because what keeps you going the world didn't give it to you so it can't take it away.




Copyright © 2019 PebblesWroteIt

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

2018 Reads : Pebble$







1. What's Wrong With Being Black  :  Matthew Ashimolowo

2. The Famous Five - Good Old Time and Other Stories  :  Enid Blyton

3. The Midnight Picnic  :  Lauren St John

4. Kindred Spirits  :  Rainbow Rowell

5. Black Boy  :  Richard Wright

6. Harper And The Sea Of Secrets  :  Cerrie Burnell

7. The Great Mouse Plot  :  Roald Dahl

8. The Boy Who Could Do What He Liked  :  David Baddiel

9. Rock War - The Audition  :  Robert Muchamore

10. Dombey And Son  :  Charles Dickens

11. The Freedmen's Bureau  :  W.E.B. Du Bois

12. Butterfly Beach  :  Jacqueline Wilson

13. Fahrenheit 451  :  Ray Bradbury

14. Authentic Blackness - The Folk In The New Negro Renaissance  :  J. Martin Favor

15. Whatever You Think Think The Opposite  :  Paul Arden

16. Natives - Race And Class In The Ruins Of Empire  :  Akala

17. The Believer's Authority  :  Kenneth E. Hagin

18. The Boy In The Smoke  :  Maureen Johnson

19. Spot The Difference  :  Juno Dawson

20. Decoded  :  Mai Jia

21. The Craft Of The Screenwriter  :  John Brady

22. The Heart Is A Smashed Bulb  :  Hibaq Osman

23. Star Wars - Adventures In Wild Space The Escape  :  Cavan Scott

24. Creative Writing In The Digital Age - Theory, Practice, And Pedagogy  :  Michael Dean Clark

25. Private I. Guana  :  Nina Laden (read by Esai Morales)

26. How To Recognize Herod The Killer Of Stars  :  Dolapo Adelakun

27. Writing America Black - Race Rhetoric In The Public Sphere  :  C.K. Doreski

28. In The Footsteps Of A Prophet  :  Jerry Savelle

29. Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Patridge  :  Mem Fox (read by Bradley Whitford)

30. A Mother's Heart  :  Ellyn Sanna

31. Pathways Of Success - 21 Sure Steps On The Way To The Top  :  Mensa Otabil

32. Woman Of God  :  James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

33. White Socks Only  :  Evelyn Coleman (read by Amber Rose Tamblyn)






Copyright © 2018 PebblesWroteIt

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

No. 5 Grandmother






This quarter's guest blog post comes from Minney Richani, who speaks on  FAITH & VALUE  which is a poetry piece that opens up about age, wisdom and experience. Come look through the lens at the wrinkles of a grandmother straightening out mistakes not to be repeated.







One two three
Who am I speaking as
Having it all and sipping it down slowly
I'm only one gulp in and it's been an hour
Making others feel responsible for happiness
And I'm laughing I'm laughing
Number four not including me
The fourth living generation from the top
"The screen is too small I can't see it"
And technology is too large it blinds you
Expanded minds reduced to..









Courtesy of  © 2016 minney richani

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Dear Pebble$: 003





October 2, 2018

Dear Pebble$, 

Welcome to the final quarter of 2018, you have completed 75.3% of the year.

" I realize that I can no longer allow life dictate how I feel, how I react and how I get back up from being knocked down."

Your resilience is the secret to becoming the great woman you wish to be, you are bigger than your current hurdles and you know that life was won so you could restart. You have to act like God's child do not wait on a next year to walk in greater things, a new month is here this is your next moment in time. In Him, know your rights, your entitlements, the impossibilities turned into possibilities. Know that prayer is cool, but your prayers from now on are directed to the next phase. Your new phase is here and it is ready - with all needs met just ACCESS it.

What you have prayed for is here, walk in the reality of claiming and being what it is that you wanted for so long. Do not beg for what already has your name on it, do not question what your faith has already cashed in. The next step is preparing all this content you've placed on a list to film, to write, to plan, to create etc. etc. Your audience is watching, waiting and growing - girl you have a lot to give don't be afraid. Stop crying.

You have a lot to be grateful, you know about September 6, 2018. That is your reminder for the rest of your life, it could have ended BUT God and his receipts though! Be grateful more often, acknowledge what IS going right, what you HAVE achieved, where you HAVE been. You have grown since Letter 001, you have progressed, you are not at the same place you were then.

Since Letter 002, every point is a work in progress but I feel they collectively combine to nurture you into the woman you are becoming. They each stand as weakness that are shared, so you can increase in strength. They are character builders, things that will make you relatable to those who are yet to work on these things for themselves.

This next quarter is for starting afresh, for opening yourself to possibilities and not stepping back even once because you don't feel like you qualify. What you think disqualifies you is what will qualify you, for folks wanting to give you a chance at whatever it is that you want to do. The next quarter is for allocating time to planning. Let's go.



Much Love, 

The Chica You Best Believe That!


Letter 002


Copyright © 2018 PebblesWroteIt

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

By Your Standard





This quarter's guest blog post comes from ermRepublic, who speaks on CHALLLENGES expressed in the beautiful form of a poem. Feel the words, walk through the internal conversation and often conflict that occurs in the seasons of this journey called life.







and sometimes it feels like you are the only one
breathing alive
amidst sleeping beauties and charming princes
dreaming through a fabricated life
imbibing empty narratives...
like you are desperately doing your best to stay woke and real,
in touch with the visceral needs of your soul,
your pangs of reluctance and the spasms of desire
while the world yet unceasingly tugs at you...








Courtesy of  © 2017  ermRepublic

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

My 10 Word Story





The image above is from last year at a time when racial tensions were put as a reminder on our news stations, in our feeds, it's always been there. Anybody that says it phased out is deceiving themselves, for deaths to make it to TV now, this can't be the beginning it was just too apparent to file as a report in some police station and stay hidden under lock and key. And I hope you know it is still happening, and no not all those incidents will make the news. Families will continually fight, communities will continually plea for the blood of its children to be redeemed. A year later I wanted to take you through the thoughts of this photo and my 10 word story. My #10wordstory is on Instagram, if you would like to read it. I'm trying to go through what exactly I was thinking of when writing this 10-word story and what really lies behind these 10 words besides a powerful photo.

When you're a writer it is easier to make an attempt to write some words down to ease situations, to put something visible to how you internally feel and in some instances to help you keep a balance mentally. All these images, footage, stories, officers not being given their due punishment and the constant demonizing of those killed is a lot to process. Just a while back the very district attorney that decided not to charge the policeman responsible for Mike Brown's death, was up for re-election in St. Louis. If this doesn't raise question to who exactly we give authority to and what that does when it travels heavy-footed down the system, then I'm not sure what else to say. The assumption that something must have been done to provoke a situation, rather than facing that some 'human beings' are just purely evil and haven't woken up to the current climate of unavoidable diversity. I love diversity, I love communities where everybody doesn't look the same but I love communities where everybody has something that connects them whether culturally, ethnically or on the basis of cuisine.. because who doesn't love good food.

I love diversity because it constantly reminds me that there is more to life than one form of a pretty picture. As I reflect on the pretty picture and pictures, I remember that the canvas that holds the entire human race cannot claim it is complete when we look to the erasure of some. A birth is an addition to this canvas, a new hue to awaken the life that it already there but a death, that is the sudden disappearance of a masterpiece that was in progress and never quite got finished. When our faces have not finished their purpose on that canvas, bullet wounds are what is left in its place. A piercing, gaping hole that no fabric can replace or mend. 

It's bad enough facing the constant profiling, frisking, emasculation and often dehumanization that history has successfully repeated and projected on melanated people, on minorities, on the ever persistent fighters who challenge statistics, rise above and are still pushed into a box or rabbit hole of some sort. 

I'm no expert, I'm no activist because boy do they suffer from all the fighting and advocating; but I believe experience and the reality of many situations qualifies me to have a voice. Asks of me to speak on what I do know so I can be educated on what I don't know, to stop shielding myself from the call to rise above all that I've been told to be and wake up to what I am purposed to be. 

I can go on sharing and exploring and explaining, but let's get onto these 10 words behind the powerful picture.


1. I'd - I would, if I could..
If I could close my mouth, if I could stop voicing my concerns, if I could stop seeing these images, if I could stop experiencing these fears, if I could stop talking, if I could silence every unqualified individual who only sees a race card being played instead of seeing a real problem. If only I could, I wouldn't. I am two parts fighter, one third outnumbered.. I don't think I have any other choice, I know I don't have any other choice but to fight in love and put that love in the atmosphere while I ponder, internalize and react to this hate.

2. Ask - this denotes that permission is required first, but is it really, do I really need it before I can speak. Ask denotes that I need approval to proceed with where I am headed to next. It requires of me to sort this out by myself but is all of a sudden a helping hand when I do things against an expected plan, a plan that didn't expect me to take the decisions I have taken. Spoken words that were too strong a concoction to swallow as whole truth. It tells me to wait on permission while others assume right to exclude what I think, or how I might feel. It asks of me without expecting me to ask questions right back.

3. For - for what reason, and for what is it that I ask, for whom? For who am I supposed to keep quiet, stop feeling, stop being. I ask for whom. Whom must I surrender my struggles to.. not as a trade for peace and respect or restored worth but for more worry, fear, displaced identity and continual target. If the reason isn't for me, where me is everything that is right and needed here, then what does your input matter.

4. A - I am giving possession to something. A boy, a girl, a seat at this table.. what? I am giving possession to all the consequences that come with taking everything internalized, thought about and seen, and I am vomiting it up so it doesn't weaken me. I cut the things that drain energy, make me useless for battle to awaken the things that will provide me with help. The possession is help and I wish to share it with those who need it through listening ears, open hearts and a spirit that discerns when war is necessary and where to apply subtle moves of moving past traps set to trigger emotions.

5. Lighter - is this burden too hard for you ma'am, will anybody help you.. a supposed dent on my character. If the mud is on your face and the dirt clothing you from head to toe and I mock you, will you stop doing the things that I punish you for ?  Will you stop talking, will I have succeeded in depleting your rights ?  And while you're down there, take a good look at my shoes. I don't mind looking at shoes not far from a face that could be kicked in, I don't mind doing anything that continually exposes how corrupt you are as a 'cop', a 'judge'  and 'anybody else'.

6. Sentence - this could be a grammatical construction, but it's served time.. a period where I am in confinement.. whether solely to rip my mind from me or hope that I won't remember how to fight after I give this time out of my life.

7. But - is this to state my pause, a hesitation, a break taken to continue

8. I'm - I am, bringing this back to me.

9. Not - no going back, did I stutter? No negotiation, the fair grounds are gone.

10. Sorry - does this call for apologies, stating that I am wrong, is this something to be sorry about. I am sitting alone at a table I can't engage with another mind so I engage mine, do you now find a problem with it ?  Is it ok for me to sit alone AND be comfortable while you sit uncomfortably shifting the padding in your butt looking at the place you placed me, with the intent to tie me to misery and have me sit in it.



BONUS:
My caption is a reflection of what goes on when all of this is absorbed, when all of this is endured, when we have to grow generation after generation hoping that the previous generation healed so we would have a greater strength to move forward with. So, we would have greater wisdom to walk in and develop. We hope that we are not stereotypically birthed, racially graded and sectioned according to surface knowledge held of us. When I smile outside and keep it moving, I am crying, reporting you to God and praying behind closed doors. My prayers and reports may seem to amount to nothing but there is one judgement that no officer, no attorney and no judge can escape and that is the FINAL judgement given by God. My friend on instagram, wrote a poem and a prayer that expresses these thoughts exactly and beautifully, read it here.



Remain Blessed.

Pebble$



    Copyright © 2018 PebblesWroteIt